What's that stuff again???

Drew, while discussing the negotiations involved in scheduling vacation days: "It requires--what's that stuff you're always into---? "Courtesy? Manners?" I reply. "Yeah, that." I am consistently astonished by the number of men who hold doors open for me every day. My husband is rarely among them.

Ready to face the enemy

Currently in location of previous elevator assault. I am armed and ready. And itching for a fight. Just try me.

Sensibility

"A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't."

(I have to look up who said that)

After You, My Dear Gaston.

Such a simple thing really, and yet not at all.

Imagine, if you will, the following scenario.

You enter an empty elevator. After a confused pause you push the correct button for your floor. The elevator stops at the next floor. A woman older than you—but not ancient—enters and you naturally take a step back, even though the space is unusually large. She also pushes the button for the ground floor. In a moment the elevator stops. The doors open to reveal a muddled crowd. You pause to allow the older woman to go first. But she hesitates. You observe that no one has stepped aside to allow a passage for exit. You sense the crowd  moving forward, almost in unison. A few steps ahead of the others is a tall boy with over-dyed black hair. He moves toward you in a cloud of cigarette smoke. You look over at the older woman who has frozen beside the the door. The rest of the crowd is surging forward. The black haired boy is now inside the elevator, with the others close behind. They are between you and the older woman. She is too far away to reach. The black haired boy is beside you now. Your reflexes kick in. You are adept at moving through a crowd. You are able to slide into spaces between people that don't exist until you make them. You know you can only save yourself. Faster than the blink of an eye, you slither through the crown and are gone. You know without looking behind you that the older woman is still in there.

Let's start with some of the basics

If you need to ask, "Is it OK to .... Can I bring my ....Will it look bad if I .... ???? No, no, and NO. Certain rules are absolute. Many are flexible and are applied according to the circumstance and people involved. If you think it might look bad, don't pretend you aren't sure. When you ask if something will look bad, you are really just asking for permission to do it anyway.

For instance; It is never okay to be rude. Don't say something mean and hurt someone's feelings. Why do people still need to be told this?  Do your best to make the people you are with feel comfortable. That needs to be repeated. It seems to have gotten lost altogether. Do your best to make the people you are with feel comfortable. Even people you aren't with, but just in proximity to. Don't be so loud in a restaurant that the people at nearby tables can only hear you, and not each other. In general do not be loud anywhere. Except at a concert. If you need to dance around whilst smashing into total strangers, the mosh pit is the place for you. Otherwise, give everyone some space between your body and theirs. Apply this rule when standing on lines—every line, everywhere. Do not deceive yourself into thinking your turn will come much faster if your exhalations rustle the tiny hairs on the back of the neck of the person in front of you. She's trying to be patient too, and she's giving the person in front of her plenty of breathing room.

Do not discuss an event in front of someone who isn't invited. This applies to both before and after the event. So, suppose you are person B. You have declined the wedding invitation given by person A. Then a year later you accept an invitation to the wedding of person C. Should you then proceed to take every opportunity to tell person A —who was not invited to the wedding of person C—all the details about the arrangements, and travel plans for the event beforehand? Should you, person B, keep person A stuck on the phone while you  describe details about the event afterward? In multiple phone conversations? As if something else just reminded you of another thing about person C's wedding that you need to share a catty comment about? 

This is where I tell you what you're doing wrong

And there is plenty. Let's just start with being nice. Smiling more. Letting someone else go first. Behaving yourself.