I have begun tutoring the monkeys in the finer points of this courtesy. Gracefully step ahead of your mother to reach the door first. Do not cut in front of her and crash on ahead with no regard for anyone else going in or out. Macy's double doors are the perfect practice ground. It seems so simple, but I've found it is not at all intuitive. The key to opening, then holding the door open for someone else requires the physical dexterity to quickly -- and gracefully position your body in line with the door. It requires the ability to walk backwards. Holding the door open while blocking the entrance with your body puts the recipient of your politeness in an uncomfortably awkward position. Apparently this is not obvious. Since alleviating discomfort is the primary object of good manners, clearly there is much work to be done here.
I find it fascinating to see how often a simple thing that I take for granted becomes so complicated when teaching it to someone else. I think if you break it down into very small steps it can become less of a pointless thing you do "just because you are supposed to" and more of a thing with a purpose you can understand.
Case in point: My dear husband hasn't the slightest regard for setting the table. Doesn't see why it matters. (Never includes napkins.) But in my world, where tables are always properly set, your water glass is always on the right. Why? Because if it is always on the right then you always know it is on the right and therefore you always know which one is yours. This is not the rule of a properly set table to be fussy or fancy or formal. It is so you have one less thing to think about. Have you ever been with a group in a restaurant where someone is confused about which water glass is theirs? If not, then you have never been in a restaurant. Someone is always drinking your water. Or you are drinking theirs.
Here in Maine I find myself consistently impressed by how often doors are held open for me. I always make sure I do the same. A friend once posted the question of who is responsible for putting on the divider stick to separate your groceries from those of the next person's on the conveyor belt. She maintained that she always placed the one in front of her groceries, the person coming up behind her was responsible for themselves and should always do the same. Her position was supported by the majority of responses. I strongly disagree. I often place the divider in front of my groceries. And if there is one within reach I place one behind mine as well. I would say at least fifty percent of the time the person ahead of me has done this too. But I would still do it if hardly anyone did. Why? Because it is so damn easy to be nice. I heard an interview with Colin Powell —which I must track down. He was asked what he attributes his success to. Easy. Always be nicer than you have to. So simple. So lovely. Those words went deep, and stayed there. Always be nicer than you have to.
Always be nicer than you have to.
I find it fascinating to see how often a simple thing that I take for granted becomes so complicated when teaching it to someone else. I think if you break it down into very small steps it can become less of a pointless thing you do "just because you are supposed to" and more of a thing with a purpose you can understand.
Case in point: My dear husband hasn't the slightest regard for setting the table. Doesn't see why it matters. (Never includes napkins.) But in my world, where tables are always properly set, your water glass is always on the right. Why? Because if it is always on the right then you always know it is on the right and therefore you always know which one is yours. This is not the rule of a properly set table to be fussy or fancy or formal. It is so you have one less thing to think about. Have you ever been with a group in a restaurant where someone is confused about which water glass is theirs? If not, then you have never been in a restaurant. Someone is always drinking your water. Or you are drinking theirs.
Here in Maine I find myself consistently impressed by how often doors are held open for me. I always make sure I do the same. A friend once posted the question of who is responsible for putting on the divider stick to separate your groceries from those of the next person's on the conveyor belt. She maintained that she always placed the one in front of her groceries, the person coming up behind her was responsible for themselves and should always do the same. Her position was supported by the majority of responses. I strongly disagree. I often place the divider in front of my groceries. And if there is one within reach I place one behind mine as well. I would say at least fifty percent of the time the person ahead of me has done this too. But I would still do it if hardly anyone did. Why? Because it is so damn easy to be nice. I heard an interview with Colin Powell —which I must track down. He was asked what he attributes his success to. Easy. Always be nicer than you have to. So simple. So lovely. Those words went deep, and stayed there. Always be nicer than you have to.
Always be nicer than you have to.
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